Stress reliever

Assalamualaikum,

Full Lockdown Day 9. 

I don't mind staying at home. At all. Somehow a nationwide total lockdown is not a problem for my nature. Lol 'my nature'. Maksudnya sebab aku ni jenis homebody. Yang suka duduk rumah. Bukan jenis yang suka keluar. I'd be perfectly content just by being home. Walaupun kadang-kadang tu memanglah rasa nak keluar, jumpa kawan, jalan-jalan just because, tapi benda-benda tu cuma some things that I can do without for a looooong time.  

Sebab tu, aku kesian kat orang yang the opposite of homebody. Yang rasa tak senang duduk kalau kena stay at home for a period of time. Tak bebas nak bergerak. Ayah is like that. Staying at home is like a torture to him. He likes to be out and about. Main golf tu his second nature. We don't understand his obsession with it. I have since made a conclusion that ayah and golfing is like me with reading and cooking/baking, or ibu with gardening, or Man with his gaming and loud volume music, or Izzat with working out, or Fisha with her cleaning and vacuuming haha. It is unfortunate that ayah's passion, his main hobby involves being away from the house while ours can be done in the comfort of our own home.  

That's another thing. 'The comfort of our own home'. I know how blessed we are and I, never for a second take it for granted. 

The thing about being cooped up against your will is that stress is inevitable. So apa je yang aku buat bila stres time2 macam ni? Like I said, I read or write. Reading is like breathing for me. Selagi ada buku yang aku nak baca, selagi tu aku takkan stop. So when people tell me they don't like reading, I just automatically assume that they simply just haven't found the right genre for themselves. Good fantasy or YA with a healthy dose of romance is my ultimate jam although I do occasionally pleasure myself with science fiction, historical and general fictions. Lately, I pushed myself to read more non-fictions yang aku tak berapa gemar tu. Write apa? Ni yang korang tengah baca ni hah. Sometimes just writing out whatever that comes to mind helps with the decluttering of thoughts. I read that it helps with anxiety and insomnia if tiba-tiba malam terfikir macam-macam. Just a blank paper and a pen. Tulis. Apa-apa je. Your life goals? Grocery list? Nama crush? Senarai nama crush? (eh, ramai sangat ke crush kau? haha). I guess that's how I've been coping with my stress slash kecelaruan fikiran all these years. By writing. 

Try new hobbies. Kalau nak cakap pasal try new things ni, I've done quite a number. Tak payah nak tunggu ada geng. Buat sorang pun jadi. Wrote a novel since I was 12. I started baking as a high schooler. Futsal in my freshman year. Joined a kickboxing class masa orang lain sibuk dengan final year project masa third year dulu. Practiced yoga with the help of Youtube dalam keserabutan internship slash clinical year masa tahun akhir tu. At the same time I downloaded DuoLingo and taught myself some basic Spanish, originally just a way to kill time (sebab phone aku tak ada game. DuoLingo was my game). Wall climbing bila diajak walaupun kawan aku sorang je & 3 orang lagi tu just friends to a friend. Taught myself to play an instrument. I got into Zumba last year. Joined classes kat a nearby gym. Lepas dah tak pergi gym, I did it myself kat rumah. Stopped doing it dah. 

When trying new things, you will either end up loving them, liking them or stop doing them. You will never find that you hate them, at least for me. Mungkin sebab aku pilih benda yang memang aku nak buat instead of something I know I don't like macam sewing or gardening. Stopping doesn't mean you hate them. It just means that you lose interest or you have no means to do them anymore. Macam futsal tu. I really wish I could still play, tapi kat mana aku nak cari team members? Takkan nak main dengan team lelaki. I don't mind kalau tak ada risiko terlanggar. Masalahnya, aku ni kalau dah competitive, aku betul-betul main. Itu yang boleh sampai tergolek that one time kat Terengganu (intervarsity, and we won!). Hah, ikhtilat comes first eh sis. Kalau setakat injury biasa tu, it comes with the game. Tapi orang yang reti main jarang injuredkan orang atau diri sendiri. Ask me. Yang pernah kena sepak straight bola ke muka by my own team goalkeeper masa KASUF dulu. It was a goal kick xD Tapi lepas tu aku sambung je main. Nasib baik menang. Silver medal je lah tapi. 

My point is, there are so many hobbies to choose from. Whatever you have an interest in, boleh buat je kalau tak ada barrier. As cheesy as this may sound, you only have this one life to live. Kalau tak buat in this lifetime, you will never ever do it. Could you live with yourself knowing that? I couldn't. 

Had an incredible phone conversation with an old friend a few days ago. 3 hours long. So incredible that I wish the friend would move near me so we could bertukar buah fikiran more often. Better if we could collaborate. Currently we live almost 8 hours apart from each other. It's not an easy feat to find someone who vibrates in the same frequency as you. At the same wavelength. With the similar mindset. Growing in the same direction as you. Even more touching, kept giving affirmations and encouragements which is more than I can get from some so-called friends yang silently wish you live a bad life so that they can feel better about themselves. Ni kalau bagitau gender, anyone would make a scandal out of it which is a frustration of mine; why can't we have peaceful platonic girl-boy friendships? Must it be turned into something romantic? Macam Kate & Leo. Saoirse dengan Timothee pun. Sweet je tengok diorang being so supportive as friends, but people kept kenen2 kan juga. Eh aku. 

Emo pula. Nampaklah dah banyak kali kena haha.  

MITI just rejected the application that I did yesterday. Registering for SSM before that took soooo long with 3 times queries and the waiting because of the weekends + public holiday. So, stress? A bit. But hey, looking at the positive side, waiting for the approval means more time for my hobbies. That's why I'm here, aite? 

UPDATE: They have rejected my applications 6 times now. 3 new applications, 3 appeals. So, stress is a bit of an understatement. But, I will keep applying and appealing. They ain't hearing the last of me.