It was the darkest of times

 Assalamualaikum,


A friend from KL came to Kulai last week, teman her hubby yang ada work thing here. Naturally, we met. While catching up, again, naturally, she asked me how I managed to start what I started. A question people kept asking, "Do you actually do everything yourself? That IG especially, like really?" Hahah. Dan setiap kali aku jawab, "Yes, baby. I don't have the money to hire someone else to do it." 

What can I say, I'm a woman with many talents, or let's just say it as it is; desperate times need desperate measures lol. Another friend once described me like this; 'Hanny suka cuba benda-benda baru & somehow you manage to excel in whatever you attempt to do.'

Entah, Youtube videos & the internet helped a massive deal. Paired with my perpetual need to achieve perfection or at least near perfection, itulah jadinya haha. 

The friend I mentioned, we last saw each other last year rasanya. When I went to KL for another friend's wedding. So, we had to catch up on each other's lives for the past 1 year. Crazy how 1 year changes so many things. She got married to her high school sweetheart & I started a business, but something we had in common was we had the darkest periods of our lives in that 1 year. I told her mine, going from one thing after another until I eventually could not hold back the tears, and then she told me hers until she also cried. 

She said, "Why eh lepas habis study semua orang had this very dark times? Bukan kita je tau. Ramai lagi." and she mentioned some of our friends. Betul jugak bila fikir balik. Hmm, real life. Begitulah. That's not to say waktu study dulu tak pernah dapat ujian macam2. For me, it was losing some of my family members. I saw a quote yesterday kot "People tend to belief that grief shrinks over time. What really happens is that we grow around our grief." 

Terfikir balik pasal my own dark times awal tahun ni, which actually started since 4th quarter tahun lepas, one thing after another. Leaving me mentally bad, lepas tu ada lah a few people yang konon datang dengan niat nak tolong but it made matters worse. Lagi buat aku jatuh dalam a very deep dark hole. 

Aku pandai preach kat orang suruh seek professional help tapi I didn't do that myself. I didn't even reach for any help from anyone. I isolated myself. Memanglah they say that real friends are those who would be there when you need them, tapi dah kalau kau tak inform diorang, how can they know, kan? Can't really blame them for not being there when they don't know you need them. Logic. 

I'm really grateful for the strength that He gave me. Sampai I can't even remember how I rose after all of the things that happened. Eh, I need to seek counselling one of these days. Walaupun right now I'm in a good place. 


If anyone reading this is in a particularly dark time, I do encourage you to share it with someone close. I know some things can be very embarassing to share, so it is very important to choose someone who you are comfortable with, that you know won't judge you. I hope it will lessen your burden. I pray you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel too, insha Allah. 

In any case, put your trust in Him. He gives you this test because He knows you're strong enough to get through it. 

Much love <3






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